the art of not caring

When we are young (most of us, at least) and especially a teenager, we rarely tend to go about our day without thinking about someone’s opinion of us or how they perceive our actions. What does she think of my hair? Does he think I’m weird? Will I look dumb if I raise my hand and answer the question? Should I join this club, or will people think I’m a dork? Does this teacher think I’m good enough? Thoughts like these plague our lives regularly, and they can sometimes be damaging. Constantly worrying about what someone thinks of us can lead us to be scared, closed in our own minds, and fixating on flaws that sometimes may not even be there. Now, talking to youth and telling them not to care about what people think of them sounds like a bit of an old people giving wisdom thing, but I am a teenager as well, and I am also guilty of worrying about what people think of me (a lot, actually). But maybe, just maybe, there could be a way for us to go about our lives without really caring about what other people think of us, or worrying how someone might think of us.

I have dry, somewhat frizzy hair. It’s something I’m pretty conscious about, and spend hours in the mirror trying to fix, and often to no avail. During the school day, my hand is always in my hair, flattening, pulling, straightening. My other hand holds my phone, camera app open. I look at my reflection and wonder, is this how people see my hair everyday? I look awful! Such worrying often leads to my time being wasted, distraction and lack of focus on schoolwork and other priorities, and overall lower self-esteem. There are other things I also feel insecure about and worry about people’s opinions of, but I am not going to go into detail about those here. Rather I’m going to shift to the positive: I still am insecure about my hair, but I’ve learned to let go a little. Take it a little easy, and not care as much. If people think I have frizzy hair, so what! However, this mindset isn’t easy to achieve, and even I haven’t achieved it fully myself, there is one principle that is truly, genuinely helpful in letting you let go a little and not really worry about others’ opinions: everyone is worried about how others think of THEM, so they’ll likely not pay much attention to you!

The term for the phenomenon that many of us face is, in social psychology terms, the spotlight effect, or overestimating how much people think about our attitude, behavior, looks etc. We have discussed this phenomenon already, and I have even given a personal example. But if we think about it, if I suffer from the spotlight effect, and this is common among many teenagers, that means a lot of us also suffer from the spotlight effect! While we definitely don’t want others to feel insecure or worry about themselves, we can take comfort in the fact that we are not the only ones to do so. In fact, I will ask you readers a question: Whenever you are worrying about others’ opinions of you, or even in general, do you pay close attention to another person’s behavior, attitude, or any other quality? Probably not, right! Therefore, it’s okay to let go a little. So what if your hair's a little frizzy? So what if your clothes aren’t color coordinated today? So what if you’re the only one who raises their hand in class? So what?

While we may never completely stop caring about what people think of us, we don’t have to worry about others’ perceptions and being afraid as much anymore. We can just…let go. This is something I am working on, and hopefully after you read this blog, you also feel inspired, relieved, and maybe a little less scared. :)

Yours Truly,

Dear Youth Global,

Rachana Venugopal